“Simply let experience take place very freely, so that your open heart is suffused with the tenderness of true compassion.” —Tsoknyi Rinpoche
A question I want to start out with that you can answer until the end is, "What are some we can cope with family stress?"
If you were able to read the last blog, we talked about intimacy, the beauty of connection, and understanding each other's side of intimacy. This week we discuss some of the stresses of the family. And throughout the topic, we can break down certain stress factors that arise from different situation's and how we can overcome those uncertain events. Lets get into it!
We are all going to experience stress. Within and outside relationships/ marriage fidelity. A lot of people are afraid of arguments and or confrontation in marriage because it is scary, and no one wants it. It’s about communicating together, and yet an opportunity to get to team work together. Over the course of the modules, I started to realize that stress isn’t always a bad thing. It can be an opportunity to support, listen, and be vulnerable with one another so that we are able to be closer together.
In my years of growing up, I watched a film from the classic novel of Dan Millman's— Peaceful Warrior. A true story of young, hopeful, and a crazy good gymnast Dan Millman's who was able to change his life around after getting into a accident that from a time, prevented him of fulfilling his dream of being a gymnast and his love life. A moment of his life changed when he met a metaphatician and martial art's instructor who gave him the advice to, "take out the trash."
"The trash is anything that is keeping you from the only thing that matters… this moment, here and now."
From time to time, I hear this quote in my head. When we have so much on our shoulders we can't help but feel like the trash can in our heads, is so full of unnecessary trash that it needs to be emptied.
"The negative beliefs from our past and our fears and uncertainties about the future hold us back from making the most of the present, and we need to let go of them." — Peaceful Warrior.
How does this impact the family? Family is a pretty topic! Its a unity and it can be a complicated mess at times. Lets be honest, we have all had moments were we didn't agree with a person or we just didn't want to be around them. Sometimes we get angry and don't want to talk or understand people who we live with. Does this normally last? Over the years, I have noticed this kind of storm calms down with patience and time.
An example could be of a new author trying to write a book. At first he has so many ideas, so many thoughts of what could be such a good book. His or her thoughts of publishing and selling it and having their thoughts out on paper. Until—writers block. And, if you haven't experienced writers block or don't know what it is, it is stressful... However, all writers deal with this from time to time. A moment were you can't think of anything to write. Being filled with confusion and doubt that it isn't good enough. During this time, he or she might experience reality.
So much hope with little effort doesn't go that far. During the discussion in class, we had multiple guide lines from the professor in which helped me understand events of stress and stress in the family. He introduced the— ABCX Formula. Conducted by Reuben Hill in, (1949 through 1958).
A: Stressor Event/ “Actual”
B: Management of Stress (recourses that are most available)
C: Family definition of the—event (how we think about it) Ways we can help each other deal with these events. This can be anything from effective communicating, mediation, taking a break. The way we perceive these events and the way we react to them can make a big difference on the way we receive the outcome.
X: The Crisis (What problems arise) This could be anything from losing a job, running into debt, emergencies, losses, and something we are experiencing right now — a world-wide pandemic.
Another part of the discussion was about a reality check within the family. Professor Williams quoted,
"Good families and marriages don’t get it naturally. Tough things happen to good families. Sometimes really rough circumstances help something beautiful to come out of it. Its about how patient and persistant you are to keep it together; How you react and how you do it. We are sensical that we are not going to have any problems when we get married. To have all the money before we get married, that there are no problems we have. It is not the plan that we are not going to have problems. Problems are opportunities to become stronger and happier."
God loves those who he chastens. And we often find that people are put through tests that seem very abnormal and scary. Sometimes the ones he loves, he allows problems to have because he sees the strength and power within us. During this time of testing and chastisement, we might experience heartache and confusion. I personally have felt that weight with so many of my friends that can relate to what I have experienced. There are many ways we can cope with stress. And one word that really helps is communication. However, this will have to be save for the next topic and blog.
So, when you feel stressed, anxious, or deal with heart ache. Talk to someone, communicate with someone who understand and listens. Be with friends and family who support you. Doing it all on your own may seem probable, but might not be very logical. Empty the trash if its full, and you be surprised on how much room you have left.
A reminder for you today: You are capable of doing anything. You can and will overcome what might seem impossible.
Ciao!
— DiNunno
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