"Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know." —Jim Rohn
Ciao my friends! I hope your doing and feeling well. I'm happy that you have journeyed with this far while reading my blogs.That you learned something if anything. Believe it or not, the course I am taking that requires me to write these blogs, is coming to a conclusion, and I'd like you to know, that there will only be a few more blogs until I move on to a different theme and form. By now, my hope is that you have many unique colors on your pallet; but I encourage everyone, before they read my blogs, to search for themselves and explore the many perspectives in your life and stories of other people—it's your decision to add them to your own life. For now, in this blog we are talking about communication. How it impacts families, relationships, and, of course— our personal lives.
A question I want you to ponder: Listening is a dying skill. How can you make listening alive in your lives?
Have you ever just.. talked for hours and hours on end? Sharing stories/ experiences? My friends and I have a talent of venting for long periods of time. And by the end of it, you feel great! Yet, something I have always noticed from my family and friends, is they do one thing that makes me feel accepted and understood. Since communication can be complex to understand, over the years of taking courses and reading some textbooks, one word stands out that could possibly be the most important tool when communicating. Listening.
Communication is arguably one of the most important tools for a healthy relationship. Why is this? There are many different nuances and ways to communicate, and because this is true, we can understand ways to understand one another in different ways. And most of the time, its more an expression of our thoughts, feelings, and as some describe it, "therapeutic and stress relieving."Sometimes people find communication to be a hard skill to master and almost —a road block. I will save you the large amounts of textbook chapter's on communication and the perplexity of it, however, I think getting a general idea of the basics is important.
In short, there is a giver and receiver when talking. When two people are actively engage in talking, they are given specific roles. Role A, (giver of information) and Role B, (receiver of information). Everyone does this unconsciously, (without knowing it). The key word in this is "actively" listening or engaged in the expression of thoughts or feelings. It is very important to be, well, switched on or, (engaged) in communicating.
Believe it or not, we can still hear what someone is saying, but not fulfill the role of listening by not actively engaging in it. Thats right, If you talk to someone and they hear what your saying but they are still switched off, we call this pseudolistening. Some people call it, "fake listening." Were someone is attentive to hear the other partner but doesn't receive the information. How does this impact families and the development of relationships?
This brings me to my main key of this topic—Listening. This word is your best friend when you involve this in any relationship you develop. It's one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received because when I actively listen rather than just talk talk talk, I am communicating something back to the giver. In a way, I am saying, "I understand. I respect you by hearing you. I don't have to believe what you say, but I am willing, to receive your thoughts and feelings." You can care this much to anyone if you choose to listen. That's the power of receiving.
I think we can all relate to the fact that we want to share our thoughts and opinions in hopes that they will accept what we are saying. Truth is truth, and not everyone will accept what you say. Somebody described the mind like a blabbering monkey that doesn't stop because it can be supported by the ego. However, if we set boundaries because we are scared to express a disbelief or something we feel uncomfterable with, then we build these walls that surround ourselves. And the only way to get to the person is to knock on the wall in hopes they will hear. It's healthy to have different opinions and views.
In a relationship, both partners (male and female) want to be understood by one another. During the discussion someone stated,
"When the wife is trying to express her feelings to her husband, it's not that she want's a situation to be fixed, rather, to be understood and that she just wants someone to socialize with." This can be both partners. On the other hand, someone I am closely related to stated, "We argue, and have opposing views, and different beliefs. However, we aren't insecure to talk and do those things. If we hold what we want we want to express, we aren't be sincere and it can be damaging. At the end of the day, we love each other the same and we just learned a lot about one another."
I feel that when effective communication is engaged, then effective relationship's are built. No matter what, you can still show that person the same respect back, by listening. You can learn so much about that person. Both emotionally and mentally. Just know, when you listen, you communicate the same thing back.
Listening is a dying skill. How can you make it alive in your lives?
A reminder for you today: Listen to your heart. It beats every unconscious moment for you. It works hard everyday. Don't talk... just listen.
Peace!
—DiNunno
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