"The best thing to hold onto in this life is each other." — Audrey Hepburn
Learning outcome: (After considering different theories of family and addressing cultural and gender factors influencing family experience, we move more directly to the formation of family. We begin with how we prepare for and establish marriage relationships. It would be easy to gloss over these important topics, but it would be a great mistake to rely only upon your current skills and knowledge sets while making martial decisions.)
I have found myself day dreaming of cutting that beautiful cake on one of the most long awaited nights of my adult life. Being with family, friends, and most of all—your love. Dancing, singing, and finally escaping to your honeymoon together. This sounds like a dream. However, it becomes reality when we take a step back, analyse the broad view of marriage, and of course, take our time to prepare for that day. Some people tell themselves, that no one can truly be ready. This is not as accurate as people may presume, but if we can't take the time to see it through a telescope. My hope from this blog is to give some insights of many topics from this week's discussion.
And instead of going straight into the topic of marriage, I'd like to take it step by step that leads up to marriage and what things we can do to prepare for it.
So, what is dating?
I have found that dating is simply getting to know someone you like. An opportunity to understand their principles, boundaries, and desires as well as getting to know your desires. Now days, we find young adults are not as interested in dating anymore, rather, falling in love too quickly. If you find someone and you both seem to click with great chemistry, then you should still take the time to write down what matters most for a successful relationship. Some of those could be:
- Core values
- Principles
- Personality
- Knowing for someone for a while/ Friendship first
- Process of elimination
- Learning and gaining experience
- Getting Courtship is the next step to being with the person you want to be with.
- Engagement is the next step after courtship
- Then marriage
- Don’t date anyone exclusively until you’re ready to get married.
If you don't want to take it to single dating right away, this is were assorted dating can really be a great practice. Going on a variety of activities with people. Then it is sorted out with people with other people. Then you go through the steps of single dating.
Dating seems to have become more of a production, sometimes an expensive one. This isn't necessarily a bad things, however, creativity and simplicity can be left out, (i.e. you shouldn't feel obligated to spend a lot of money on him or her to get his or her affection.)
If you thought about shutting off Facebook or social media, then your on the right path. Go and just have some fun. DO THE IN EXPENSIVE THINGS as a date!
The first steps of getting to know someone doesn't need to complex. If anything, it should be simple yet creative and memorable. I'd say that small experiences are big and the creativity is in the small things. Thats right, love is in small things. And those small acts of action's are the biggest advantages to creating a strong foundation with someone.
Some of these small things include:
- Time (it takes time to get to know someone)
- Really talking (vulnerability)
- Togetherness (doing activities that engage the connection or bond between within you)
- Quality time & Quantity of time (creating memories)
- Going on an activity helps you see a different point of view
- Take her out to see all the sides of that person (going camping, a rainy one, seeing how they are going to react in that situation. Seeing how they handle that) Not only to see how they handle but how we get to handle it together.
- Talking with each other for hours (mutual self-disclosure)
- How well you know the person can help you open up for the situation.
- Take a girl on the small date first can lead to bigger dates in the future
“For me, I like both. It’s refreshing to relax and have a conversation, and it’s also fun to do something exciting. I hate when the guy spends a ton of money because it’s likely that they are low on finances, so I hate to make them spend a lot of money!” — (group discussion.)
Go on a wide variety of activities (reflecting the importance of marriage,) People who date for a year are most likely to get know that person. Men need to also take leadership when it comes to dating and marriage and for the family (taking priority or initiative. Responsibility) Don’t do homework together! It’s a waste of your time!!
“In marriage, there must be a balance. You’re not always going to do the fun stuff, but you’re also not always going to be doing the boring stuff. There has to be a balance”
I think the biggest misconception of dating is that, that one person has to be the person to marry because there is no one else like him or her. This can lead to a wall of pressure. Trust me, i've been there and its a deep hole to climb out of. We might see ourselves in this situation,
The More you know someone
- The more you get attached to someone
The more you trust someone:
- The more you get attached to someone
The more you rely on someone:
- The more you get attached to someone
The more you touch someone:
- The more you get attached to someone
This is easy to do. We get to know someone, and then we feel like we cant leave them. I believe that freedom with each partner is so vital to a successful relationship. Not necessarily the freedom that this person can do anything he or she wants, rather, setting and communicating both your boundaries straight.
Which leads to shared values and shared expressions. Sharing the same culture and wont likely misunderstand each other. Marriage is hard enough, when you don’t share understanding. Opposites attract? Opposites DO attract. Finding way of meaning and clarification. Brother Williams wanted us in the class to understand a powerful quote, “When it comes to marriage and family, it’s not enough to communicate to be understood, you have to communicate so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood.” —Harold B. Lee
Communication is one of the most vital part of a marriage in a healthy relationship. Some people like to be subtle and NOT direct. Some people hold back and are NOT honest with our feelings. This could be due to a lack of trust. For this, establishing the patters of being direct and honest will be the best tools.
See the picture? Before you commit to something like this, you should focus on yourself but also be willing to take risks.
Some people don’t get to know that person until they get married. This can be a problem with arranged marriages. Your family and friends are going to be the closest people who are the best predictors of the length of your marriage than you are. Some people are racing for marriage and are trying to follow a trend of marriage in certain locations.
I guess you could say that taking the time to know someone and recognizing your feelings, your principles, and yourself will attract the same person who reflects those same attributes and also reflects you.
A reminder for you today: Take a time to thank your heart. It pumps for you every moment so that you can experience every moment.
Take care!
—DiNunno
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